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 January 25, 2013

The 2013 Broadway University Mid-Term Exam

Musicals often want to show their audiences a good, escapist time – which may be one reason why so many refer to alcoholic drinks or matters involving spirits.

The difference, of course, is that while we should moderate our alcohol consumption, we should exercise no restraint whatsoever in our drinking in as much musical theater as we can.

So, for our 2013 Broadway University Mid-Term Exam, let’s give a toast to Broadway musicals that mention alcohol, however blatantly or obliquely, in one way or another. These could be in lyrics and lines that may or may not show up on original cast albums, but can be found in scripts.

Your impossible mission, should you care to accept it, is to identify both song and show for each of the 50 entries (and the bonus question, too). To make matters a bit easier, the shows are chronologically arranged, from 1940 through 2012.

All answers must be in my e-mailbox by Tuesday, Feb. 5 by 11:59 p.m. Send them to And I hope the test doesn’t drive you to drink.

1. “I invited Johnny Walker, and Haig and Haig I asked twice."

2. “Behind the hill there's a busy little still where your Pappy's workin'.”

3. “We filled up and started to spin on scotch, rye, corn, straight alcohol."

4. “Entertaining vodka drinkers is a job they give to me.”

5. "After her, I met Calypso -- who was definitely a dipso."

6. “No Four Roses ad discloses lips like yours.”

7. "And I was drunk on love and cheap muscatel."

8. "With the lanterns glowing and the vino flowing and the good strong smell of mozzarella in the air."

9. “Where Kickapoo Joy Juice we make.”

10. "Alexander, a creme de cacao mixed with rum."

11. "I say first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon."

12. "Milk and beer and 7-Up and Drambuie."

13. “Fill the bowl to overflowing; raise your goblets high.”

14. “Should I quote you lines from Dante? Should I wine you on chianti? Are you gay?”

15. "I don't care for sherry. One cannot drink stout. And port is a wine I can well do without."

16. "Yet with the slam-bang tang reminiscent of gin and vermouth."

17. “Cocktails for two!” / “I drink Coca-Cola!”

18. “From teacher to pupil and Michelob to Blatz.”

19. "Two children?" / "Yes, sir." / "Two TV sets?" / "Yes, sir." /
"Two martinis?" / "Yes, sir."

20. "Two Old-Fashioneds in Tokyo, then dinner down in Mexico."

21. "We'll raise a glass and sip a glass of schnapps in honor of the great good luck that favored you."

22. "Beer and whiskey, whiskey and beer make your head start aching, make your eyes unclear."

23. "Drinking Cointreau with salt beef and mustard is of course gastronomically wrong."

24. "Make the queen of bees hot as brandy."

25. "Built up quite an operation down below with the pie-eyed piper blowing."

26. "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush."

27. “I’ve been presented with a new son by the noble stork, so I am going home to celebrate and pop the cork.”

28. "I've got a secret: I think I'm just a wee bit tight."

29. "Dumb -- and with a weakness for Sazerac Slings."

30. "Got through it stinko by my pool."

31. "Sweet cider, I guess, and cherry wine for sure."

32. "What once was a rare champagne is now just an amiable 

33. "Do you need a broad or a good psychoanalyst? Maybe a tonic and gin?"

34. "Another blast! Another shot! I'm drinking anything you got."

35. "I wind my pocket watch. We serve white wine."

36. “One Pink Lady, and how it turned them on.”

37. "Serve a demitasse with a gesture so gentle -- or do it again ‘til it’s near Oriental.”

38. "Over here, boy. How about some ale?"

39. "I chug-a-lug brews when I lose on the nags."
40. " The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free."

41. “Sherry!” / “Campari!” / “Scotch whiskey!” / “Chartreuse!” / “A Cognac!” / “An Absinthe Frappé”

42. "One Joe who swore he’s single; he got me sorta crocked -- the beast."

43. “But it didn't fix the stomach and you've drunk your final Bud.”

44. “With a drink that has umbrellas, and a novel by Jane Austen, being eyed by two young fellas who run marathons in Boston.”

45. "To fruits, to no absolutes, to Absolut."

46. "She's wasted!"

47. "This nice sincere Sancerre is French."

48. "No one glares when you do Jello shooters."

49. "Keep your eyeball on the highball."

50. “Devil’s brew! Satan’s nectar! Soon shall you be a specter.”


"She sits at the Ritz with her splits of Mumms, but then she pines for some steins with her Village chums, but with a Schlitz in her mitts down at Fitzroy's bar, she thinks of the Ritz; oh, it's so schizo."

         — Peter Filichia


You may e-mail Peter at

Check out his weekly column each Tuesday at

and each Friday at His book, Broadway Musical MVPs, 1960-2010: The Most Valuable Players of the Past 50 Seasons,

is now available at

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